Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
