I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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