omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
