The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
