I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
