you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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