So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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