i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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