I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
