I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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