she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
