i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
