Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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