It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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