He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the liver wants what the liver wants
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Congratulations! We have a period
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