he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize