Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
