I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
