ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
