Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
