It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
