obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Farmville is her only friend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Damn victory sex feels great
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
