Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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