i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
