I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
