He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
