I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
