i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
