Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
