JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
