Kiss
Puke
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
