New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
