i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
