I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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