I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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