Your dad touched me again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
