you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
