This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
