i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
