my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
