Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
