sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
