Sponge bath it is.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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