I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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