Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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