we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
