how can u be prego again
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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