Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
