i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
