I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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