My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
