Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
