I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
