The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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