One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
