Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
