i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
