I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
