I need help removing her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
