Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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