Since when is my name a synonym for head?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
