You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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