Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
