dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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