Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
