Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
