Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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