he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
