Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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