Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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