is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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