Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
