I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
