Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
