he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She bit a glass in half.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
