Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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