I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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