Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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