Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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